Sticking Points

Went to venue last night with O. Things did not go well with M, as the vibe was totally off and the venue didn't lend itself to building much attraction through conversation. My club game is still very weak due to the fact I may not necessarily be able to subcommunicate the right things through body language. And, of course, I don't project my voice well, so when they can't hear me, that hurts alot, too. Found out after a tough night that I have a huge sticking point (self-evident, really): ATTRACTION. I literally cannot flip the attraction switches, or if I can, I can't flip very many of them. Another big one is HOOKING the sets. In l0uder venues, especially, I have a very difficult time hooking multiple sets. 1 will respond, but the others will usually lose interest due to not being able to hear me. I need to learn to project my voice.

On a pleasant note, I think that I can semi-reliably attract 4-5s! Not much progress, but still better than the first time I went out.

Failure is not an option

Ozy was right. G is M from our previous meetup. I should never have remember and checked. Why? Now my inner-state is fucked up. I haven't had anxiety in a week of approaches. Not a speck. And suddenly today, after finding out that G is M and M is attending, I wake up 2 hours after going to bed nervous as a kid giving a speech in class. How fucked up is that? I was talking to my friend Chris, and I explained to him that I hung all of my motivations on the failure to get M, and that in the future, maybe... I'd get another chance. Well, it's starting to look like that chance is going to be tonight, so I need to bring my AAA+ game. Fuck, if only it could have been a few months down the road... or at least a few more weeks. I've made good progress since last 2 weeks, imo, but not enough! Well, my only option now is to warm up today and be in such a fantastically tight state when we meet tonight that I draw her into my frame and keep her there.

There is no other choice and failure is not an option.

Cold Reading!

Wanted to get this down before I forget; something we've been lacking in our approaches (at least I know I've been lacking) is using cold reads. Girls love it when you can tell them something about themselves and cold reads really just do that. I'll edit this post to elaborate more, but I just wanted to put it up as a reminder to myself.

Disappointment

Well, not completely. I ended up staying home yesterday -- got dressed, fixed my hair, was ready to put on cologne and the finishing touches when I realized how absolutely tired I was. So, I decided to skip last night (not without a nagging sense of things of missed) and catch up on my sleep. I ended up going to bed around 9:30 and probably slept for a good 6 hours (I say only 6 because I can never seem to get more than 4 hours of unbroken sleep before waking and staying up for minutes at a time), but was surprisingly tired this morning. Maybe it's lack of napping that does that to me -- I find that if I can get some naps in at work or at home, I'm pretty much good to go for the rest of the night. I've missed naps the last couple of days, so that's affecting my energy levels. I hadn't felt as tired yesterday as I had in a long time (which was a little depressing). Tonight, though, should be fun with J in our group and we can really start rolling as a crew.

Anyway, this blog is about PU, not about my terrible sleeping habits -- some insights I'd gained over the last couple of days:

• Mixed Sets. Mixed sets are SUPER easy. Literally, about a million times easier than an all-girl set, imo. Guys blow right open when you talk to them and don't come across as hitting on the girl in their group. I have almost no fear of mixed sets now.

• Tailoring delivery to your set. You can really tell how receptive a set will be depending on the environment. Me, O and R were at a place in Hollywood the other day, and O tried to open a 2-girl set. They weren't really rude, per se, but they never hooked and you could tell they had attitude. Personally, although I find attitude a turn-off if it's a random girl, I know that breaking into girl sets will sometimes garner you a neutral to cool (sometimes cold) reaction; that's just the nature of the game. I'm ok with that and have to work around it (inner game rocks!). Anyway, something I noticed about this 2 set was that they weren't terrifically bright -- probably average Hollywood trendy types (not even that good looking, imo... a 6 & 7 brunette and blonde), but I realized how absolutely important it is to tailor your material and deliver to your audience. O is great, because he comes off as really smart and witty, with a smooth delivery. But sometimes, you can go over the set's heads if they're not used to that; this is what happened here. O delivered a witty line, and I looked at the girls' reactions and you could almost see the gears turning in their head. It was painfully obvious that they got the witticism either too late or not at all. I think the Don put it best when he says something to the effect of, "sometimes I have to be bright shiny guy who's just really fun and entertaining and sometimes I have to be the deep, intellectual guy who teaches them something. It all depends on the girl that you're targeting".
  
• People are boring. Yes, I said it. It sounds a bit harsh, but it's honest and I need to understand the nuances of social interactions if I'm going to be doing this. Hell, I used to be super boring (now I'm just mildly entertaining), so I know where these guys are coming from. It all comes from delivery, body language and enthusiasm. If you're carrying on the conversation enthusiastically, you can talk about almost anything (for at least a little while) and have your set think you're this really interesting guy. Another by-product about enthusiasm that just hit me is that it relates passion; girls love guys who are passionate (mostly because it implies that they have goals) and anything that you can do that helps convey a passionate personality will be positive. Secondly, this enthusiasm sets you apart from the crowd; 99% of the girls in the world are in contact with nothing but boring guys.
  

--Tangent: One of the reasons why women cheat on men so much, imo, is because so many men don't provide what women subconsciously need. Women want a strong, confident, passionate, goal-oriented, interesting man. A real alpha-male. In fact, even if a woman can't consciously articulate these desires, describe a guy who fits all of the above qualities and you'll have all of your female friends clamoring to meet him.

Biggest lesson I learned these last couple of days is... I NEED SLEEP. A consistent sleep schedule, at least, and preferably 5+ hours a day.

Sleepy

I was going to write up a field report summarizing last night, but getting only 3 hours of sleep yesterday and no nap has made me extremely lazy. Suffice to say, it was both a good and bad night. Good because my wing and I opened at least 4-5 sets each. It was fun. Bad because most of the sets were all guy sets or mixed sets with unattractive girls. Oh well, you take what you can get. I only wish the venue had been more target rich and we'd been more aggressive in talking to predominantly female sets. I don't come out to talk to guys and I know my wing doesn't either. Still, it was a positive experience overall and should give us fuel for tonight. We're also meeting up with someone else who has a good, positive vibe so it should be pretty much on. Assuming I get to take a nap before hand.

The other post mentioning my roommate and how I may have screwed up my frame in the house seems to have been unfounded worry. She was friendly to me yesterday and seemed to show no signs of being affected by what I'd said on Sunday. I know she's looking for a guy to get into a relationship with, so I should start using her as a pivot -- it would provide good social proof for me and help her out, really raising my value with my roommates.

On a side note, I need to pick up more clothes -- I've been pretty much wearing the same 4 shirts every time we go out. Maybe I'll swing by Banana Republic this weekend and pick a blazer since I still have that GC from last year. Too bad I think their clothing sucks.

Motivation to Succeed

I must say, the motivation to succeed is a necessary one for any endeavor. I used to be a huge gaming nerd (think 8+ hours on a computer/console just playing games), but, oddly enough, I was never particularly good at playing games. Sure, I was better than the average guy who had never picked up a controller/keyboard/mouse before, but I wasn't noticeably better than people who played less than me; in some cases, I was worse. Why is that? Motivation to succeed. I'd never truly been motivated to do well in games. I played games and I derived some enjoyment from them and that was that.

It wasn't until maybe I was 21 or so that I seriously got good at a game. Not good enough to compete professionally, but definitely good enough to *eventually* compete professionally. Yeah, I know, not much of accomplishment, but for me, it was a milestone. How did I get better? The motivation to succeed.

This is where it pertains to game. Before you can improve, you have to be motivated to succeed.
It won't matter how much you go out and try if you're only going through the motions and not working towards success. Sinn said something along the lines of, "Whenever you're in an interaction, you have to think, does this bring me closer to my goal or further away?". There are countless guys out there who read this stuff and theorize about it, but just don't have the motivation. They put it off and put it off until eventually, they forget about it -- it becomes nothing more than a footnote in the recesses of their mind. Then you have guys who are motivated to go out, but not motivated to succeed. These are probably the worst, because they do nothing more than go out and fraternize with their fellow PUs and talk about theory -- all without approaching a set (or maybe only approaching 2-3).

I'll be honest, I've fallen into this trap as of recently. My wingman is a fascinating individual and personally I love discussing theory (I also am extremely talkative when speaking about my passions, of which self-improvement is the main), so it often leads to alot more talking than sarging. Well, it's time to cut that bad habit and focus on sarging. Tonight I'm going to propose to my wing that we do whatever we can to improve our individual skillsets, including putting a time limit on how long we can wait before making any approaches, leading the way to build up energy for the others and possibly using a punishment/reward system to get each other motivated to sarge as many sets as possible.

For someone who has often suffered from bouts of depression, lethargy and apathy, it's an incredible feeling to be so interested and excited to do something positive that I honestly believe with all my heart that PU is something that every man should study and practice; not just for the ability to attract women, but for the powerful inner game it provides.

# Close Voicemail

So I was driving to work this morning and thinking about number closes. I can't remember who posted this on the forums, but one guy had a terrific way of number closing. After he got the number, he would call the girl's voicemail and leave a message talking about her. It's a terrific idea because every time the girl hears the message, she'll be brought back into the state she was in when she met that "funny, interesting, cool, sexy guy". It's also a million times more memorable than "Joe01" that she sees on her phone.

The script that I would use for the phone message would be this, "Oh man, I had a great time tonight and met a bunch of really cool and interesting people... except for this one girl. She seemed like a bit of a dork. But you know what, I think there's more to her than meets the eye." It playfully teases her but also paints her as a deep person (every girl wants to be known as "deep" -- thanks to Nubilous for bringing that up). The only other way to make it better is to set a non-flaking frame, but I think the message might get too unwieldy at that point. If your game is tight enough, you shouldn't have too much flaking problems anyway.

Direct Game

I've been giving more thought to Direct Game recently. Mostly because my wingman O seems to naturally gravitate towards this type of approach. I, on the other hand, feel much more comfortable using canned and pre-planned openers that work under the radar. However, due to a few failed attempts at Sunday and weekday sarging (both with Nubilous and with others), I've realized that Sundays and weekdays are perfect opportunities to try Direct.

Personally, my preferred method is Indirect simply because that's what I first started learning and it really seems perfect for someone like me (I like to break things down into very specific steps and have a certain methodology planned out). On the other hand, there's a certain beauty in simply walking up to an attractive girl and saying something along the lines of, "You know, I'd be kicking myself all day if I didn't come over here to find out if there was more to you than meets the eye" (I haven't tried that opener yet, but reading it and thinking it in my head, I imagine very positive results; it's well worded, complimentary and -- it also acts as a mini-screen). Another thing about going direct is that the transition to a normal conversation seems to be much, much smoother... after all, your intentions are clear and you can immediately begin discussing personal topics without it being awkward (well, too awkward).

Another benefit to going Direct is that since you have very little canned material and the interaction is more spontaneous, it helps develop situational awareness/relevance and conversational skills. I've personally found that even when I move in with a canned opener, my responses tend to be very stilted and I pay very little attention to what I'm saying. I understand that canned openers are designed to elicit pre-programmed responses so that I can think about logistics and formulate a game plan, but often-times my mind just blanks while they drone on and on about how they don't think you should ever date your ex-gf's friend.

--Tangent: I have quite a bit of difficulty concentrating on what other people are saying. I've developed the unenviable ability to drown out others while at the same time seemingly appear to be engrossed in the conversation. I need to start breaking that habit.

--Sticking Point: I've just realized that I'm still letting the openers go on for way too long; I need to cut that thread immediately and forward stack/transition to normal conversation asap.

Direct also requires good body language and a strong frame, but in different ways from Indirect. BL for Direct, I think, needs to be more relaxed and expressive when showing interest. Obviously you don't want to show too much interest through bl or give a needy vibe, but the fact that you're making your intentions clear seems to necessitate having a less "aloof" frame.

--Tangent: Sinn talks about hoops in the interview series and mentions that the ones you use in Direct game uses smaller, easier hoops. It doesn't make sense to walk up to a girl and strike up a conversation with her, then suddenly make her jump through a huge hoop. That comes off as situationally irrelevant and more than a bit rude.

Personally, I'm pretty excited to be trying Direct; I hope to be doing a little at the mall later today for fun.

Going out and doing this stuff is so exhilarating; much like Mystery said, "You'll feel nervous, but it'll be a good nervous -- like jumping out of an airplane".

Musings

Lots to catch up on today. I had a million things I'd wanted to write about last night, but now, I can only think of a few of them (that's what 2 hours of sleep will do to you).

1. Never let female friends that are looking for long-term relationships know that you're a PUA. This should be self-evident, but I made this huge mistake yesterday. I was feeling particularly depressed yesterday morning from the missed opportunity with HB9 japanese girl (the one I mentioned in my previous post) and really needed an outlet for my frustration. I erred by talking to my female roommate about it (whom I consider a "friend", but is probably more of an acquaintance). Anyway, the discussion put a negative frame around me (that of a "player") and eventually led to me making the comment that "whenever a guy helps a girl, there's always something he's looking for". It was directed toward the fact that a male friend of the female roommate was heading over to wax her car. Now, my roommate isn't that hot (a 6 on a normal day and a 7.5 on a good day), but guys aren't picky. So, after I made the comment, I realized that: A) it made it look like I was insulting all guys by insinuating that they all have ulterior motives (that of sex) and B) that I was pointing her friend out in particular wanted to get sex. Both very, very bad conclusions to come to.

--Tangent: Yes, it's true, all guys have ulterior motives when helping girls, but not all motives are the same. Some guys may do it because they're hoping to get some, others may do it because they're honestly interested in the girl and want to have a relationship with her. Most (nice) guys fit into the latter category, which is very good for girls.

So, yeah, I made a big mistake which may come back to bite me in the ass. She may negatively frame me to my landlady (likely) and be wary of any girls I bring back to the house (and especially into my room). I think that she also may be much more wary about interacting with me or being friendly towards me. She'd already had some shields up due to the first impression I gave her (I tried C&F, but probably came off alot more C than F), so that's not a good thing. I was hoping to befriend her and use her as a pivot and DHV in addition to being able to talk to her about relationship advice. Things may have been damaged irreparably, but we'll see. I'll lay low for a while and try to be nice/interesting/funny.

2. I want to get O's opinion on this, but... When latin-amog interrupted the conversation and stole my frame last Saturday while I was talking to HB9, I should've immediately used girl code on her, led her by the hand and isolated her. This would've shown alpha status and DHV'd. I'd come to this solution on the drive to work this morning while pondering the situation; yes, you can't relive the past, but you can always learn from it.

--Tangent: If I weren't in the PU scene, I would never have understood the subtleties of these social situations and never have realized what the correct options are. PU has taught me an incredible amount of learning what is socially acceptable, what is alpha behavior, and what girls respond to. For that, I'll always be grateful to the pioneers of this community.

As I was saying, this was something that I didn't do because I still have difficulty with frame loss -- I've been brought up beta for the last 26 years and it's just recently that I'm starting to express a more confident and capable persona. It's still a learning process, but leagues ahead of where I was a few months ago. My god, I hope that another opportunity with HB9 comes up so that I can get her. She's super cute and has this terrifically innocent look about her that seems so inherent to japanese girls. We'll see, but I'm using this as motivation to build up my skill set.

3. Sticking Points. I have plenty of sticking points, which include:

• Losing frame. I lose my frame when my set gets interrupted. I need to be able to adjust quickly and effectively to maintain control of the situation. Need practice stealing the conversation after an interrupt occurs.
  
• Transitions. I need to be able to transition from the opener to a normal conversation. I have great difficulty with this and often-time will eject from the set before I attempt a transition. Which leads to my next point...
• Plowing. I'm not plowing enough; I give up during certain points in the interaction. PLOW, PLOW, PLOW. At the worst, a girl will walk away or ignore you, at best, you'll break through and generate that interest. In any case, you'll learn alot more by simply plowing and trying to figure out what you did wrong rather than ejecting too early and never seeing your mistakes.
• Preparation. I'm not preparing enough -- my reportoire(sp?) of openers is extremely limited. I only have jealous girlfriend and man-to-man opinion. Both of which I think are good openers, but I need more backup stuff.
• IOIs and Body/Conversational Language. When I was with Nubilous last night, he brought up that HB5 was giving me some heavy IOIs. I saw them when they first came up, but promptly forgot as the interaction continued. I need to remember to tally IOIs so that I know when I've built enough attraction and can transition into comfort. I wasn't interested in HB5 at all, so I wasn't actively trying to game her, merely build up conversational skills, but I should've been aware, nonetheless of the signals she was throwing me. Most of it was conversational IOIs (at least that's the way it seemed) -- something I'm not terribly familiar with.
• Playful conversations. My conversations tend to be dry and less playful/teasing than they should be. It seems as though I'm more of a passionate, explain things and talk for a while, whereas I should probably interject varying amounts of teasing to keep the set's interest high. Ozy is very good at this type of conversation -- I'll need to pick up pointers from him and observe what he does in situations.
• Eye contact/suggestions. This one I'm not sure about yet. Nubilous has terrific eye contact and eye expressions (he has a very mischievous look) that seems to really bring across that fun, playful, flirty persona. However, I don't know how this would work for me, since I'm worried that it may generate too much of a "player" vibe. My intent is to come in under the radar and perhaps once I get the target into comfort, I can begin the more overt IOIs. This way, she doesn't see it until after she's begun qualifying herself to me. She works harder and thus will invest more into the interaction. At least that's my theory. I'll talk to Ozy about this.
• Hoops. I still tend to jump through hoops (especially conversational ones), without realizing it. I came to this conclusion after my interaction with HB5 and realized that everytime she disagreed with me, I would reframe my responses to match hers. I need to remember to keep my frame and simply shrug off anything that disagrees with what I say. Give subtle IODs (turn away, look bored, etc.) to force them to change their frame to match mine.
  

I have plenty more sticking points, but those are the worst ones right now. On a good note, I'm feeling alot less resistance to approaching random sets -- I no longer have the "frozen" feeling, although I'm still a bit worried about what I'll say and how I say it. No matter, this too will be overcome with time.

That's it for now -- I'll add more later today as things come back to me.

Meeting your dream girl

I forgot who asked it, but the question was posed, "If you met your dream girl right now, what would you say to her?" This is a question that I'd realized was an incredibly important one to answer, because how many of us are truly interesting enough to captivate the attention of another person? Every day, I see my friends, co-workers and acquaintances, and few, if any of them, can hold a decent conversation, let alone be a truly fascinating individual.

Where am I going with all of this? Because I met a terrific girl last night (although not necessarily my dream girl), and I wasn't able to keep her interest. Sure, I had to compete with other guys who were throwing sloppy game at her (only 1 person that I noticed was able to effectively convey alpha-male status and not be so rough with going direct), but that should have only made it easier. Instead, my frame was stolen and eventually dissolved due to me being unable to control the interaction. "Lead the men and the women will follow", as the saying goes. I tried re-establishing frame through simple AMOG tactics (arm around the shoulder, addressing the guys and trying to win the conversation), but in the end, it was just too difficult. My game isn't tight enough and my social intuition failed me.

Last night's learning lesson was a difficult pill to swallow, but a necessary one. On the one hand, it is incredibly depressing to know that you have a myriad of tools that 99% of all guys will never know, and if you were just a little bit better you would have gone home to fuck the prom queen, as Sean Connery said in The Rock. On the other, it has motivated me like nothing else. Never before have I been so intent on learning and mastering the techniques that I stumbled upon 2 years ago, and truly being able to get the girl.

What's my gameplan now? I've come to the point where social interaction has become a compulsion for me -- probably one of the few times being obsessed about something can have positive life changing results. I'm going to try to sarge more on the weekdays, and begin solo sarging when no one else can make it.

The time to live is now, and more than anything, I want to live a life of no regrets.