Musings

Lots to catch up on today. I had a million things I'd wanted to write about last night, but now, I can only think of a few of them (that's what 2 hours of sleep will do to you).

1. Never let female friends that are looking for long-term relationships know that you're a PUA. This should be self-evident, but I made this huge mistake yesterday. I was feeling particularly depressed yesterday morning from the missed opportunity with HB9 japanese girl (the one I mentioned in my previous post) and really needed an outlet for my frustration. I erred by talking to my female roommate about it (whom I consider a "friend", but is probably more of an acquaintance). Anyway, the discussion put a negative frame around me (that of a "player") and eventually led to me making the comment that "whenever a guy helps a girl, there's always something he's looking for". It was directed toward the fact that a male friend of the female roommate was heading over to wax her car. Now, my roommate isn't that hot (a 6 on a normal day and a 7.5 on a good day), but guys aren't picky. So, after I made the comment, I realized that: A) it made it look like I was insulting all guys by insinuating that they all have ulterior motives (that of sex) and B) that I was pointing her friend out in particular wanted to get sex. Both very, very bad conclusions to come to.

--Tangent: Yes, it's true, all guys have ulterior motives when helping girls, but not all motives are the same. Some guys may do it because they're hoping to get some, others may do it because they're honestly interested in the girl and want to have a relationship with her. Most (nice) guys fit into the latter category, which is very good for girls.

So, yeah, I made a big mistake which may come back to bite me in the ass. She may negatively frame me to my landlady (likely) and be wary of any girls I bring back to the house (and especially into my room). I think that she also may be much more wary about interacting with me or being friendly towards me. She'd already had some shields up due to the first impression I gave her (I tried C&F, but probably came off alot more C than F), so that's not a good thing. I was hoping to befriend her and use her as a pivot and DHV in addition to being able to talk to her about relationship advice. Things may have been damaged irreparably, but we'll see. I'll lay low for a while and try to be nice/interesting/funny.

2. I want to get O's opinion on this, but... When latin-amog interrupted the conversation and stole my frame last Saturday while I was talking to HB9, I should've immediately used girl code on her, led her by the hand and isolated her. This would've shown alpha status and DHV'd. I'd come to this solution on the drive to work this morning while pondering the situation; yes, you can't relive the past, but you can always learn from it.

--Tangent: If I weren't in the PU scene, I would never have understood the subtleties of these social situations and never have realized what the correct options are. PU has taught me an incredible amount of learning what is socially acceptable, what is alpha behavior, and what girls respond to. For that, I'll always be grateful to the pioneers of this community.

As I was saying, this was something that I didn't do because I still have difficulty with frame loss -- I've been brought up beta for the last 26 years and it's just recently that I'm starting to express a more confident and capable persona. It's still a learning process, but leagues ahead of where I was a few months ago. My god, I hope that another opportunity with HB9 comes up so that I can get her. She's super cute and has this terrifically innocent look about her that seems so inherent to japanese girls. We'll see, but I'm using this as motivation to build up my skill set.

3. Sticking Points. I have plenty of sticking points, which include:

• Losing frame. I lose my frame when my set gets interrupted. I need to be able to adjust quickly and effectively to maintain control of the situation. Need practice stealing the conversation after an interrupt occurs.
  
• Transitions. I need to be able to transition from the opener to a normal conversation. I have great difficulty with this and often-time will eject from the set before I attempt a transition. Which leads to my next point...
• Plowing. I'm not plowing enough; I give up during certain points in the interaction. PLOW, PLOW, PLOW. At the worst, a girl will walk away or ignore you, at best, you'll break through and generate that interest. In any case, you'll learn alot more by simply plowing and trying to figure out what you did wrong rather than ejecting too early and never seeing your mistakes.
• Preparation. I'm not preparing enough -- my reportoire(sp?) of openers is extremely limited. I only have jealous girlfriend and man-to-man opinion. Both of which I think are good openers, but I need more backup stuff.
• IOIs and Body/Conversational Language. When I was with Nubilous last night, he brought up that HB5 was giving me some heavy IOIs. I saw them when they first came up, but promptly forgot as the interaction continued. I need to remember to tally IOIs so that I know when I've built enough attraction and can transition into comfort. I wasn't interested in HB5 at all, so I wasn't actively trying to game her, merely build up conversational skills, but I should've been aware, nonetheless of the signals she was throwing me. Most of it was conversational IOIs (at least that's the way it seemed) -- something I'm not terribly familiar with.
• Playful conversations. My conversations tend to be dry and less playful/teasing than they should be. It seems as though I'm more of a passionate, explain things and talk for a while, whereas I should probably interject varying amounts of teasing to keep the set's interest high. Ozy is very good at this type of conversation -- I'll need to pick up pointers from him and observe what he does in situations.
• Eye contact/suggestions. This one I'm not sure about yet. Nubilous has terrific eye contact and eye expressions (he has a very mischievous look) that seems to really bring across that fun, playful, flirty persona. However, I don't know how this would work for me, since I'm worried that it may generate too much of a "player" vibe. My intent is to come in under the radar and perhaps once I get the target into comfort, I can begin the more overt IOIs. This way, she doesn't see it until after she's begun qualifying herself to me. She works harder and thus will invest more into the interaction. At least that's my theory. I'll talk to Ozy about this.
• Hoops. I still tend to jump through hoops (especially conversational ones), without realizing it. I came to this conclusion after my interaction with HB5 and realized that everytime she disagreed with me, I would reframe my responses to match hers. I need to remember to keep my frame and simply shrug off anything that disagrees with what I say. Give subtle IODs (turn away, look bored, etc.) to force them to change their frame to match mine.
  

I have plenty more sticking points, but those are the worst ones right now. On a good note, I'm feeling alot less resistance to approaching random sets -- I no longer have the "frozen" feeling, although I'm still a bit worried about what I'll say and how I say it. No matter, this too will be overcome with time.

That's it for now -- I'll add more later today as things come back to me.